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  1. Member Since
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    367
    May 7, 2009, 6:47 PM - One hell of a night.. #1

    Sorry folks, I just need to get this off my chest.
    Tomorrow, friday the eighth, I am making a trip to honor the memory of a very dear and loved friend.
    Carita passed away nearly a year ago, and tomorrow would be her 38th birthday. She committed a suicide due to a very long time spent on depression. I did what I could to help her, no-one can tell otherwise, but it was not enough, it seems.
    I have not visited her grave since I carried her there, so tomorrow will be some day.. This night is proving to be as bad as the day tomorrow, of not more so. I cannot sleep, or even begin to think of sleeping.
    A friend is good enough to take me to the grave, as long as I pay for the gas. I said to her that I cannot sleep, and she replied, 'just try to get some rest'.. Sheesh, what I really needed was a planket and a sofa and a friend, not some ill-advice... Well, maybe I am making this sound worse than it is, but it still hurts. Even after all this time..
    Thanks for listening. This place is one solace in my life, thank you all for that.
    -Ville
  2. DL44 Blaster's Avatar
    Member Since
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    1,935
    May 7, 2009, 7:15 PM - Re: One hell of a night.. #2

    I am so sorry to hear of your friends passing. I've seen firsthand the scars that suicide can leave on the living. Honor her memory tomorrow and you will feel better after going to the grave. I'll be praying for you and your friend tomorrow.

    Steve
  3. A'den Kyramud's Avatar
    Member Since
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    1,337
    May 7, 2009, 7:29 PM - Re: One hell of a night.. #3

    Praying for you.
  4. Vargas1138's Avatar
    Member Since
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    44
    May 10, 2009, 1:36 AM - Re: One hell of a night.. #4

    Peace to your soul, peace to your heart.
  5. vadr_h8r's Avatar
    Member Since
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    832
    May 10, 2009, 8:58 AM - Re: One hell of a night.. #5

    I have never understood why people get depressed enough to kill themselves. I have always been a jokester, always trying to make people have a smile on their faces. But when I hear someone I know commit suicide, I wonder if I was there, maybe taking them to the movie, or even to the mall or something. that would never have happened. But what happens, is soon as your gone, and they are alone, then the lonely thoughts start spinning in their heads. Trust me, if you were any kind of friend at all you probably did everything you could. If you try to dwell on it, IT WILL DESTROY YOU. I know this because my sister died of a drug overdose 2 years ago. I knew she had a problem, I knew her friends were not the friends she should have been hanging out with. But I loved her nevertheless. I would visit her when I could, and she always enjoyed my company when I was there, but when I left I knew she would eventually went back to HER comfort zone. I just wanted to tell you I know what you are going through and try to look back at and focus on the good times, you will get over this. And you got us!
  6. Member Since
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    367
    May 11, 2009, 5:28 AM - Re: One hell of a night.. #6

    Thanks guys. I really appreciate your support. It is just the thing that makes these forums such a great place to be. The friday's visit to Carita's grave was not so unpleasant after all. At first, when we were driving there (luckily I could ride shotgun) I was getting anxiety attacks, I could barely breathe, but once with her, everything sort of released. I could almost feel that she was there with me, laughing as always.
    I know the feeling, I too could not understand why someone is so depressed, as to take his or her own life. It is a matter you have to go through yourself to understand throughly. I was at a turn point of my life two years ago, so fed up with my current job, in fact so much as to have destructive thoughts myself... But, as luck would have, my application to school was approved, and I got out from there.
    But to lose a near one for any reason is crushing. I did not know that this well until now. Still, even though the economic situation today is driving everyone out of work, I too am graduating to a job that is currently unavailable. Constructions works are dwindling down, but only for a while. I am not worried. I've gone through so much in the last two years, and I DO have a job, even though I'm at school. And eve though I hate the job, it provides means to an end. Paycheck and a warm meal. As such, life is good, and it feels that I do not need to dwell on the loss of Carita, but remember the good times I had with her, and carry on to a better times that lie ahead.
    Heh, maybe even I can be happy after all of this, and actually get my Fett suit done before retirement.. And, all in all, I do have this place, even though I am not the most productive member here..
    Thank you all.
    -Ville

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