I haven't been around here much over the past couple years, and thought it was time I revisited.
For those who don't remember, and for those who weren't around at the time, I will say I didn't leave under the best of circumstances. I had fallen behind on a few orders of the vac formed gauntlets and armor I used to sell, I fell behind on a commissioned Fett suit build for another member here, and generally just dug myself into a big hole.
I destroyed my good reputation that I had built over several years, and ruined the friendships I had made here. I deserved every bit of it though. My only answer at the time was to pull away from the site and all my problems.
I never used to be a very open person, and when problems would arise I would keep them to myself. I've learned over the past couple years that that is not how to live. I only shared it with a couple of people on the boards back at the time, but I was going through some pretty rough things in my personal life around the time that it all happened. Like I said, at the time I felt like keeping things to myself was the way to handle it. I realize now that if I had shared what was going on, at least to an extent, I would most likely have received some much needed support from you all.
To keep a long story short, I basically hit rock bottom. It started with a girl (what bad story doesn't) who I had been dating for nearly 3 years. I loved her dearly, and had plans to ask her to marry me on the 3 year mark. I had a ring picked, and everything planned. Then a little over 2 months before that day, she started hanging around some old friends of hers that lived nearby. Ends up they didn't like me, because I don't drink or party like they do. They pretty much brainwashed her into believing I was no good for her, she ended up breaking up with me, and with their encouraging she started fooling around with a married man.
I took it so hard. One of those where you physically hurt because of emotional pain. I started withdrawing into myself, and got to a really bad place. I wasn't eating, wasn't going out any, and just didn't care about anything. That's when my work and orders started slipping on here. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was at a point I didn't care about any of it.
I reached the point of being suicidal, having given up on the hope of ever being happy again. Thankfully a good friend of mine from back in school moved back to town, and looked me up. He showed up at my house one day, and could tell I was pretty bad off. Ends up he had had a somewhat similar situation happen to him, and he really gave me some great advise. He had sought professional help for his problems, and strongly encouraged me to get help as well.
Fast forward to present day, and I am almost 100% better. I look forward to every day again, and have put the negativity of that time behind me. I'm so thankful for my family and friends and their support. Without them I probably wouldn't be here today.
I just wanted to write this all to give some explanation to why I did what I did back then. To the best of my knowledge I have made things right with everyone who I let down back then. If there is anyone who I didn't take care of, please PM me, and I will do everything I can to make things right.
I felt my apology was owed to everyone here. I know it is a bit late, but I felt I needed to make things right with myself before reaching out in such a public way as this. It is still hard to share all this so publicly, but I know it is what I need to do, and I will be better off for it.
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this. I really hope I can be accepted here once again, and that I can rebuild the good reputation I once had.